at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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