If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
