I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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