Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
