just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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