also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
