arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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