she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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