I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
