I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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