the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
