My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
