you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
