Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
