I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
