I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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