I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
