You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
