It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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