if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
