you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
