I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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