this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
