I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
