I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
