if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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