This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
