Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
