do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
