i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
