I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
