it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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