he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
