quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
People in love make me want to vomit
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
