wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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