i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
