Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
