But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
