you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
