oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
