My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize