It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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