So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
