When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found a bag of teeth...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
