Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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