i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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