At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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