apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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