I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
