your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
