I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
someone owes me an orgasm
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize