She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
