Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
