I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My hand turned me down
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there was a trapeze. enough said
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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