The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
