You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
