a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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