I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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