He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
