I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
