you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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