Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i already hear my dad disowning me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
