My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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