Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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