He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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