Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
