He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
