I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
