Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
