all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
