I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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