i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize