no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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