It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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