i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
