She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
