We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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