This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
