Can i not drive my cunt home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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