so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize