What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
