The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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