i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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