Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
