kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
