What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize