does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
