chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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