How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
