I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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