Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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