I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize