Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
