my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
