fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
