that's an acceptable place to lick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
